Pete The Market Trader

Lenny’s Candles

June 10, 2017

Laurence the towel’s dad Lenny came into a parcel of candles this week.

They were a tidy line in a little glass container and a presentation box but they weren’t selling.

Lenny noticed that all the girls would pick the sample up, smell it, and then put it down again.

So he went to Janine two stalls down and bought a can of haze air freshener.

After dousing the top of the candles with the aroma of lavender they flew out.

He never said they were scented.

It reminded me of another blinding parcel of men’s dress shirts he once had. Packed beautifully in smart boxes with a Perspex front displaying both the collar and the cuffs.

It wasn’t until you opened the box that you realised that they were only the collar and cuffs.

He never actually said they were shirts.

Buyer beware.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the market trader. The man on the street. Literally.

Pete The Market Trader

Customer IQ Test

June 10, 2017

It seems that the longer days are making some of the punters even more dopey.

I honestly believe that some of my customers had their common sense removed at birth.
This is a genuine conversation that happened this week regarding a pair of children’s pyjamas:

“What’s the biggest size you have in these?” asked the lady.

“Eleven to Twelve, love”. I replied.

Apparently unable to understand my clearly cryptic response and in a slightly higher tone she asked again.

“What’s the biggest size you have in these?”

“Eleven to Twelve, love”.

“So eleven to twelve is the biggest size you have?”

“Yes!” I blurted out incredulously.

She paused for a second and then asked:

“Got any for a thirteen-year-old?”

This is what I’m up against.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader. The man in the street. Literally.

Pete The Market Trader

Pulling a Sunday

June 9, 2017

I worked Western International this Sunday.

It was Optimistic Ken’s fortieth birthday and I said I would cover for him so that he doesn’t have to pay double rent next week and besides Western is quite a good market and I get an extra day out of it.

Just to the left of Ken’s stall is a tea waggon that has wooden A-frame tables outside of it, like the kind that you get in pub gardens.

‘Add a nought Alan’ and ‘the Barbie doll twins’ were sitting down to a full English when Alan was called away to deal with a difficult punter on his stall, leaving the twins both sitting on the same side of the A frame table.

It was at that point that ‘Big Gareth’ wandered over with a cup of tea and started talking to the twins.  Now Gareth is not a little chap and I really don’t know what possessed him but he decided in his infinite wisdom to prop himself on the edge of the bench where the twins were sitting.

I watched from Ken’s stall in what seemed like slow motion as the entire A-frame table ‘up ended’, launching the twins half-eaten fry ups right into their laps.

 

I can honestly say that it’s the funniest thing that I have ever seen.

 

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader.  The man on the street.  Literally

Pete The Market Trader

Cousin Darren

June 9, 2017

Cousin Darren turned it in this week and I have to say that I am genuinely gutted for the guy.

Back in the day he was a big time Charlie in the market game with a whole run of busy markets. He was no stranger to taking as much as ‘a piano’ a day.

However, the world is a different place now and it’s getting tougher and tougher to get by.

Last Wednesday the engine went on Darren’s van. He’s was looking at a three grand repair bill to get it back on the road. He said to me:

“I’ve had enough Peter. I’m tired of the uncertainty. I want to know that there is money going into my bank on a certain day. If the van breaks down I want to be able to phone someone and tell them ‘the vans broken down’ and it not be my problem”.

He’s done twenty years in the market game and now he’s got a job delivering groceries for a super market.

I can’t imagine what it would be like being told what to do from someone else when you’ve been running your own show for so long. I wish him the best of luck.

On the plus side of things his Saturday was better than mine so I’ve nicked that. Every cloud Eh.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader. The man on the street. Literally.

Pete The Market Trader

On the Cards

June 7, 2017

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Last week Ron and Maggie on the card stall turned it in, they are well-passed retirement age and there was no way that that van was ever going to get through the MOT but they will be missed.

They left a load of boxes of old cards behind and when at the end of the day I saw Laurence the towels picking them up and putting them on his van I thought ‘What does he want with a load of old greeting cards that didn’t sell?’

It was three days later when I was talking to Ken the socks that I found out why he wanted them.

He had taken the boxes of cards down to Charlton Street and when Ken wasn’t looking he had individually hidden the cards throughout all of Ken’s stock, it’s going to take him weeks to find them all.

This week Laurence got a note through from the post office.
Someone had sent him a letter but hadn’t put a stamp on it so he had to go down and collect it.

Laurence drove down to the town centre, paid to park and walked to the reclamation part of the post office where an employee showed him an envelope with his name and address on it and told him that he had to decide on whether or not to pay the two pound that it costs to claim it.

He said to the guy behind the window “I’m curious, let me have it”.

He opened the envelope to find a familiar card inside. It was from Ken. I won’t tell you what was written in it but suffice to say it was a one-word message beginning with a W.

Laurence was not amused. We all thought it was hilarious.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader. The man on the street. Literally

Pete The Market Trader