Pete The Market Trader

Boot fair antic’s

June 10, 2017

To pull in a bit of extra dough lately I have started pulling the occasional Sunday car boot.

Car boots are different to markets: as much room as you like; cheap rent’s; early start but early finish.

They also have a very different type of punter.

So I set my stall up, four twenty foot rows piled up with gear and the first bloke walks between all of the stuff and says:

“How much for the flask?”

I look at him.

“No mate” I said “That’s my flask, it’s got coffee in.”

“Oh”. He said and walked off through my massive stall full of gear.

Second bloke walks up.

“How much for the radio?”

“No mate” I said again. “That’s my radio.  I’m listening to it.  While drinking coffee out of my flask”.

“Oh” he said and also walked off through the stall.

Boot fair customers are a law unto themselves.  I honestly think that if I was standing there with a gold bar and a broken tea cup the first five people would ask “How much is the cup?”

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market trader, the man in the street or this week, in a field.

Pete The Market Trader

Lenny’s Candles

June 10, 2017

Laurence the towel’s dad Lenny came into a parcel of candles this week.

They were a tidy line in a little glass container and a presentation box but they weren’t selling.

Lenny noticed that all the girls would pick the sample up, smell it, and then put it down again.

So he went to Janine two stalls down and bought a can of haze air freshener.

After dousing the top of the candles with the aroma of lavender they flew out.

He never said they were scented.

It reminded me of another blinding parcel of men’s dress shirts he once had. Packed beautifully in smart boxes with a Perspex front displaying both the collar and the cuffs.

It wasn’t until you opened the box that you realised that they were only the collar and cuffs.

He never actually said they were shirts.

Buyer beware.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the market trader. The man on the street. Literally.

Pete The Market Trader

Customer IQ Test

June 10, 2017

It seems that the longer days are making some of the punters even more dopey.

I honestly believe that some of my customers had their common sense removed at birth.
This is a genuine conversation that happened this week regarding a pair of children’s pyjamas:

“What’s the biggest size you have in these?” asked the lady.

“Eleven to Twelve, love”. I replied.

Apparently unable to understand my clearly cryptic response and in a slightly higher tone she asked again.

“What’s the biggest size you have in these?”

“Eleven to Twelve, love”.

“So eleven to twelve is the biggest size you have?”

“Yes!” I blurted out incredulously.

She paused for a second and then asked:

“Got any for a thirteen-year-old?”

This is what I’m up against.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader. The man in the street. Literally.

Pete The Market Trader

Pulling a Sunday

June 9, 2017

I worked Western International this Sunday.

It was Optimistic Ken’s fortieth birthday and I said I would cover for him so that he doesn’t have to pay double rent next week and besides Western is quite a good market and I get an extra day out of it.

Just to the left of Ken’s stall is a tea waggon that has wooden A-frame tables outside of it, like the kind that you get in pub gardens.

‘Add a nought Alan’ and ‘the Barbie doll twins’ were sitting down to a full English when Alan was called away to deal with a difficult punter on his stall, leaving the twins both sitting on the same side of the A frame table.

It was at that point that ‘Big Gareth’ wandered over with a cup of tea and started talking to the twins.  Now Gareth is not a little chap and I really don’t know what possessed him but he decided in his infinite wisdom to prop himself on the edge of the bench where the twins were sitting.

I watched from Ken’s stall in what seemed like slow motion as the entire A-frame table ‘up ended’, launching the twins half-eaten fry ups right into their laps.

 

I can honestly say that it’s the funniest thing that I have ever seen.

 

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader.  The man on the street.  Literally

Pete The Market Trader

Cousin Darren

June 9, 2017

Cousin Darren turned it in this week and I have to say that I am genuinely gutted for the guy.

Back in the day he was a big time Charlie in the market game with a whole run of busy markets. He was no stranger to taking as much as ‘a piano’ a day.

However, the world is a different place now and it’s getting tougher and tougher to get by.

Last Wednesday the engine went on Darren’s van. He’s was looking at a three grand repair bill to get it back on the road. He said to me:

“I’ve had enough Peter. I’m tired of the uncertainty. I want to know that there is money going into my bank on a certain day. If the van breaks down I want to be able to phone someone and tell them ‘the vans broken down’ and it not be my problem”.

He’s done twenty years in the market game and now he’s got a job delivering groceries for a super market.

I can’t imagine what it would be like being told what to do from someone else when you’ve been running your own show for so long. I wish him the best of luck.

On the plus side of things his Saturday was better than mine so I’ve nicked that. Every cloud Eh.

That’s this week’s report from Pete the Market Trader. The man on the street. Literally.

Pete The Market Trader